Soft and calm,
Cool and easy.
Never have i thought,
Heart is broken,
Hope is crush
Plans are forgotten.
That is a little something i wrote which I don't even know what it means.
Recently, many things have happened in my life especially the past 2 weeks. I am a person that take something small into something to look forward to. When I was in secondary, what kept me going on studying was to wait for holiday, what kept me going on studying for that day was Lunch time and What kept me on going in College was time to work. Every little thing keeps me going for a reason and sometimes meeting up a friend on a tragic month keeps me alive.
The first thing that happened was my dad was admitted to hospital because the Doctor found fluid in his lung. We all, even the Doctor thought that my dad would have had Lung Cancer as this was the symptoms of Lung Cancer. We prayed hard and hard for my dad to be well and amazingly my dad had no Lung Cancer but it was just an infection in his lung that cause fluid to enter his lung.
Even though that, he still has to go for surgery to remove the fluid from his Lung and as soon as the surgery was done, he was sent to the ICU without informing us what happened; My mom and I was very worried as the Doctor was not present to talk to us.
Thank God he was fine and my dad health seems much better now.
At first we thought all was fine but I received a call from my Uncle. I still remember the conversation well, it goes like this:
Uncle: Joel, is Ah Ma (grandma) with you in KL?
Joel: No o... Why le?
Uncle: I cannot seem to get hold of Ah Ma so I was wondering if she is in KL with you all.
Joel: No le... Maybe she went to the temple?
Uncle: Nvm i try calling again.
At this very moment, I had the feeling something bad has happened to my grandma as she never ignores a call so i tried to call her house also but I did not inform my parents about this coz my dad was just discharged and I didn't want them to get worried. I tried calling and she didn't pick up, at that time was 10pm and i thought she was in the temple or might had been asleep.
The next day I saw a my Aunty called me and my heart started to beat fast as I knew it would certainly be something to do with my grandma. She told me, Joel, Ah Ma has passed away. Can you please tell your parents. I hung up the call and my classmate was beside me, I knew my classmate saw a changed in my facial expression; I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do for a moment until it came to my mind that I have to call my parents.
I picked up the phone to call my mom and after a short discussion, we decided to go back to Penang. At 7.30pm that evening, we drove back to Penang. Ever since I was at Penang, memory of my Grandma flashes back; How she talked to me, What she loves to do, How she saw me grow up. But as soon as I open my eyes, her casket was in front of me which was really heartbreaking.
We were in Penang till Sunday, the day after my grandma was put to rest in her temple along with his son.
As I mentioned in the post earlier, I look forward to a lot of things and for this very tragic month, I look forward to this 3 public holidays as I booked a day with my friend to go out, we've not met before but we are very close to each other and I was hoping to take this opportunity to meet up and ease my mind also.
Ever since my grandma pass away, I have been looking forward to this day a lot to meet up with her but a true lie she had given me, a true true lie. What was I to her? Someone stupid to really look forward to something that she didn't even give a damn? Let me put it this way, "Don't Give A Fuck" to it? Let the image speak for itself. (Click on the image to enlarge)
Name: Joel Kuan
